cultural acculturation

yesterday, my thai friend from the south asked me for a short dinner together because he has to go back to his hometown ahead of his schedule. he's been in bangkok for about a week now but didnt have the chance for us to meet because he plans to stay here longer anyway. but the confirmation to his scholar application to take study master's degree has been approved and needed to go down south immediately. my friend has been in indonesia for more than a year, studying bahasa indonesia in preparation for whatever plan he has.

anyway, while we were talking, his phone rang, picked it up, and talked. i was surpised to hear him talk so loud...ly.

"how come you talk so loudly like that?" i told him.

"yeah. my mom is also kinda pissed at how my behaviour has changed," he replied.

i pictured myself. when i first got here, i had the same problem. from where i came from, people seem to talk quite loudly. of course, we dont notice our manner of doing things until we get exposed to a culture or people different from our own.

thai manners are very much intertwined with the buddhist principle of walking the middle path. so most thai people are basically soft spoken, walk slowly, and eat slowly too. to not go to the extremes of either being too apathetic or too agressive. it took me awhile to learn how to walk slowly and talk softly (though still not as soft as the average thai). the eating slowly part, i cant seem to teach myself with that.

and there i was, shocked at how my friend have changed. i dont know the extent of his acculturation because we were only together for about an hour. and i dont know much about indonesian culture either. it just surpised me now when i hear somebody talk so loudly like that. and now find it improper sometimes. five years in thailand. maybe enough to be a little acculturated with the culture.

and did i mention that this same person used to rebuke me all the time with my apparent arrogant manner? one time, some years ago, we were on an ordinary bus. and it was really hot. so i kept saying, "hot. really hot." showing in my getures how irritaed i was. here was what he told me. "it's not you're body feeling hot. it's your heart." (jai roon was his term... jai is heart, roon is hot. meaning it's my atttitude. my behaviour. you are jai roon if your irritable, impatient, aggressive.)

but being bi-cultural has its downside sometimes. you try to adapt but sometimes you also want to assert you own point of view as taught by your own culture. my culture is semi-confrontational. thai culture is non-confrontaional. but im learning... how and when to be thai. and when and how to be more myself.

but for what it's worth, i still dont like spicy food. and i dont seem to have plan adapting to my taste buds to it. that's the point.