losing face, losing friends

there is part of the thai culture about losing one's face... and thus, thai people are one of the most non-confrontational people in the planet. of course, a person of any culture would have a degree of losing his face once challenged by others with some ugly truth about himself. most prevalent amongst us, asians. but this losing face thing is very much incorporated in thai personality. a thai's sesitivity to offense is much like his susceptibility to colds.

is this a bad thing? maybe not... in cross-cultural studies, it's not wrong, it's just different.

but coming from a culture where "honesty is the best policy, you are as rude as a monkey..." it gets a little difficult to adjust. i came from a culture where speaking the truth (if delivered in humility and love) makes a relationship (of any kind) stronger and deeper. [ok, sometimes it also results to fighting!] but we generally believe that other people are our mirror. they see in us what we dont see in ourselves. thus, it is also somehow our responsibility to check on each other for us to learn more about our own personality and behavior. for our own growth... for keeping a good friendship...

therefore i often find myself caught in the middle (among my thai peers). to tell or not to tell. if the acquiantanceship is shallow, i might just let it go. but if the friendship has been long enough to be deep and special, my other culture compels me to speak up. but then gain, if the friendship has been long enough, the more you need to count the cost. is it worth it? shall i just let it go?

sometimes i succeed. sometimes i fail. but when you lose a good friendship, then it could indeed be a significant failure.

just recently my thai friend and i had a little misunderstanding. nothing big. but when i told him how he treated me like crap one time, he got offended in return. weird huh? maybe just his defense mechanism. we all have that. an act to counter our embarassment. it could also be pride, not to admit you're wrong. but real men know how to admit faults. anyway, i told him it's no big deal... just letting him realize how it felt to be treated like crap by somebody that you consider to be a friend.

...............................................
another incident:

i once text messaged a thai friend of mine, telling him that i was offended by his joke about me. we have been friends for 2 years then [almost 3 years now]. i helped him with his english when he was aplying for a job in an international company. he got the job. i let him squat in my apartment for couple of months until he got his own. [he used to live with another friend before that]. i was confident that he wouldnt mind me telling him of his offense. but he didnt reply back. no apologies either. i let it go. silence from both camps. after a few weeks he called. i answered. he talked about a totally different matter. no mention about the text messages. still no apologies. no big deal. im just glad he finally called. after all, he is my closest friends among my thai friends. and we sometimes call each other brother...