Going Mental...

unbelievable! what started out as bad tuesday seems to be turning into a bad week... bad traffic days continue. not that it's unusual in bangkok to have bad traffic anytime of the day, especially on rush hours, but this week it's unusually nastier. it could be the graduation ceremonies going on in the university in my district. university graduation here is such a big occassion, lasting for days... flowers, gift items sold in the streets are enough to cause a traffic jam. seriously. (where in the world would you see graduates walking the street [already far away from the univeristy], malls, and parks still wearing their graduation gown, and wreaths, bundle of flowers and even oversized stuffed bears? where? ok... so im not saying that's wrong. just different.)

then there was this news that i heard from my brother in australia that caused me to be under some kind of pressure. i dont know how i'd feel... be upset? pressured? dismayed?

then in my attempt to get to work early today, i left the sandwich that i prepared for my breakfast (i sometimes make my own sandwhich coz im bored of the stuff i buy at 7-11). that should've been alright if i realized it earlier before reaching my workplace. i arrived at work late again. i already set the alarm to 5:30 than the usual 5:45 and i was still late. i only had 30 minutes to prepare for my first period, i made coffee, i opened my bag and to my dismay... no box of sandwiches!!! i had to teach 3 periods straight! there was no way to buy nice piece of bread nearby. even if there was, i cant afford the time to make a trip to a store. so i took my cup of coffee in disgust, frustration and self pity. what the hey... im beginning to hate myself for all this misfortune! it's not anymore a bitter pill that i might have swallowed. maybe a fortune cookie full of bad luck.

seriously. i think im going mental. im dying for even a temporary escape. i try so hard to deny the reality of my struggles. want to convince myself that it's all in the mind. but sometimes denying the presence of difficulties that we face can lead to more serious consequences. so what do i do?

but it's my time to meet up with my counsellor tonight. no, it's not like that. he is more of a mentor who i meet up with whenever we can. most of the time he just listens to my ramblings. then tries to discern for right words to say. then speaks appropriate word of prayer. so tonight, things could get better. or i might turn in myself to a shrink. ^^