see... i told yah. things can get better. everyday is a winding road. true. there are low moments. but there are also high moments. sometimes so high, you could feel your insides turning upside down.
blogging can really be therapeutic. just writing down your hang-up's can already bring some needed relief.
talking to somebody about your hang-up's can be therapeutic. just choose the right person to talk to. my counsellor is like a big brother to me. i call him "bang" (means older brother in malay). and we had a great time at black canyon coffee and restaurant last night.
an old friend emailed me, admonished me to think on whatever is true and pure and of good report.
so yeah... today's so much better than yesterday. no need to consult a shrink. ^^
my friend's having her birthday today. we are a group of foreign teachers (though i am the only one among 5 women and 3 men who isnt an Education graduate) who hang out once in a while and talk about how funny and frustrating our jobs are. there's gonna be lots of laughing just like when we celebrated the new year together. and we'll gonna have pizza and all you can eat salad.
so yeah... things can get better. cheers... ^^
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Going Mental...
unbelievable! what started out as bad tuesday seems to be turning into a bad week... bad traffic days continue. not that it's unusual in bangkok to have bad traffic anytime of the day, especially on rush hours, but this week it's unusually nastier. it could be the graduation ceremonies going on in the university in my district. university graduation here is such a big occassion, lasting for days... flowers, gift items sold in the streets are enough to cause a traffic jam. seriously. (where in the world would you see graduates walking the street [already far away from the univeristy], malls, and parks still wearing their graduation gown, and wreaths, bundle of flowers and even oversized stuffed bears? where? ok... so im not saying that's wrong. just different.)
then there was this news that i heard from my brother in australia that caused me to be under some kind of pressure. i dont know how i'd feel... be upset? pressured? dismayed?
then in my attempt to get to work early today, i left the sandwich that i prepared for my breakfast (i sometimes make my own sandwhich coz im bored of the stuff i buy at 7-11). that should've been alright if i realized it earlier before reaching my workplace. i arrived at work late again. i already set the alarm to 5:30 than the usual 5:45 and i was still late. i only had 30 minutes to prepare for my first period, i made coffee, i opened my bag and to my dismay... no box of sandwiches!!! i had to teach 3 periods straight! there was no way to buy nice piece of bread nearby. even if there was, i cant afford the time to make a trip to a store. so i took my cup of coffee in disgust, frustration and self pity. what the hey... im beginning to hate myself for all this misfortune! it's not anymore a bitter pill that i might have swallowed. maybe a fortune cookie full of bad luck.
seriously. i think im going mental. im dying for even a temporary escape. i try so hard to deny the reality of my struggles. want to convince myself that it's all in the mind. but sometimes denying the presence of difficulties that we face can lead to more serious consequences. so what do i do?
but it's my time to meet up with my counsellor tonight. no, it's not like that. he is more of a mentor who i meet up with whenever we can. most of the time he just listens to my ramblings. then tries to discern for right words to say. then speaks appropriate word of prayer. so tonight, things could get better. or i might turn in myself to a shrink. ^^
then there was this news that i heard from my brother in australia that caused me to be under some kind of pressure. i dont know how i'd feel... be upset? pressured? dismayed?
then in my attempt to get to work early today, i left the sandwich that i prepared for my breakfast (i sometimes make my own sandwhich coz im bored of the stuff i buy at 7-11). that should've been alright if i realized it earlier before reaching my workplace. i arrived at work late again. i already set the alarm to 5:30 than the usual 5:45 and i was still late. i only had 30 minutes to prepare for my first period, i made coffee, i opened my bag and to my dismay... no box of sandwiches!!! i had to teach 3 periods straight! there was no way to buy nice piece of bread nearby. even if there was, i cant afford the time to make a trip to a store. so i took my cup of coffee in disgust, frustration and self pity. what the hey... im beginning to hate myself for all this misfortune! it's not anymore a bitter pill that i might have swallowed. maybe a fortune cookie full of bad luck.
seriously. i think im going mental. im dying for even a temporary escape. i try so hard to deny the reality of my struggles. want to convince myself that it's all in the mind. but sometimes denying the presence of difficulties that we face can lead to more serious consequences. so what do i do?
but it's my time to meet up with my counsellor tonight. no, it's not like that. he is more of a mentor who i meet up with whenever we can. most of the time he just listens to my ramblings. then tries to discern for right words to say. then speaks appropriate word of prayer. so tonight, things could get better. or i might turn in myself to a shrink. ^^
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Some days are like that...
There comes a moment when you feel like your day did not start right. Like, you were able to swallow a bitter pill that makes the rest of the day crappy and chaotic. That even just in the middle of that day, you wish that that day would be over so you could start a new one. This is one of those days!
Tuesdays have always been my worst day of the week. I teach five hours straight (except for a one hour lunch break). It's the most exhausting day of the week for me, that's already a fact. But today, it's even worse!
I stormed out of my place to go to work a little earlier than usual. I needed to get to work early because i knew today was gonna be another toxic Tuesday. Yet, i was 30 minutes late because the traffic was extra frustrating. It was not usual. Normally at a time like that, traffic wouldnt be that crazy yet. But not today! And it's Tuesday... And Tuesdays are my worst days of the week! How weird is that?
I had a quick breakfast of coffee and sandwhich. Started teaching at 8:30 and with the effort that i was exerting and the calories i was burning, i was already having hunger pains at 11:00. Already a little disoriented.
So here i am. Finally, my five periods are over. In an hour i'll be going home. I wonder if the traffic's gonna be extra frustrating still. I wonder if there's gonna be any more hideous events along the remaining hours. I cant wait to get home. I cant wait for evening to come. I cant wait for sleeping time. I cant wait for tomorrow. Wednesday is an easier day for me. I am so waiting for Wednesday...
Tuesdays have always been my worst day of the week. I teach five hours straight (except for a one hour lunch break). It's the most exhausting day of the week for me, that's already a fact. But today, it's even worse!
I stormed out of my place to go to work a little earlier than usual. I needed to get to work early because i knew today was gonna be another toxic Tuesday. Yet, i was 30 minutes late because the traffic was extra frustrating. It was not usual. Normally at a time like that, traffic wouldnt be that crazy yet. But not today! And it's Tuesday... And Tuesdays are my worst days of the week! How weird is that?
I had a quick breakfast of coffee and sandwhich. Started teaching at 8:30 and with the effort that i was exerting and the calories i was burning, i was already having hunger pains at 11:00. Already a little disoriented.
So here i am. Finally, my five periods are over. In an hour i'll be going home. I wonder if the traffic's gonna be extra frustrating still. I wonder if there's gonna be any more hideous events along the remaining hours. I cant wait to get home. I cant wait for evening to come. I cant wait for sleeping time. I cant wait for tomorrow. Wednesday is an easier day for me. I am so waiting for Wednesday...
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Computer Illiterate
I am still learning how to post/add pictures on my blogposts. Im sure it's not that difficult. Im sure i will eventually discover how. But for one, i havent really taken time to discover how to do it. Time is very limited. (If you have read my latest blogpost on "Deen"s Train Of Thoughts" section then you know what i mean.) But secondly, i am quite illiterate when it comes to computers and gadgets. I used to be an electronic enthusiast. I used to operate on every broken appliance we had until i completely spoil them and there was nothing left to do but take them to a repair shop. Or worse, get scolded by my mother before buying a new one. [I even remember how i short circuited (?) our main line that caused our circuit breaker to tripp causing a blackout in the entire the house ^^]
Then i realized that the human body is more complicated and thus more interesting to dissect (literally, in my Anatomy) than electronic circuits. I can explain how muscle contracts, how the heart beats, or how exchange of gases happen inside our lungs... but i could never explain how does a computer work.
Point is... just bear with me if my blog pages look dull (for now)... maybe you can help me by giving me few tips. ^^
Then i realized that the human body is more complicated and thus more interesting to dissect (literally, in my Anatomy) than electronic circuits. I can explain how muscle contracts, how the heart beats, or how exchange of gases happen inside our lungs... but i could never explain how does a computer work.
Point is... just bear with me if my blog pages look dull (for now)... maybe you can help me by giving me few tips. ^^
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